Many people-watching games revolve around sex, obviously. Choose a number between one and one hundred, then count off people passing by until you reach your number. That person? You have to bang them in your mind. Yes, this is gross and weirdly sort of rape-y, but that’s part of the appeal! That crazy guy who harasses you for cigarettes every day? Gotta mind-fuck him. That obese woman on the electric scooter? In the pooper. If you don’t have an erotic imagination, instead play around with some eugenics. The world is ending, you can only take three of the next ten people with you to a new planet in order to repopulate. Who do you take, and why? I always choose hot bitches, because you know, then I get to bang them, effectively turning this game back into imaginative mind-fucking. Oh well.

For more high-risk fun, try a game I call, “I like your pants.” Once you start, you have to say the phrase, “I like your pants” to one of the next ten people that walks by. If you don’t pick one of the first nine, you have to say it to number ten, no matter what, so it quickly becomes a game of picking the best of the worst before it’s too late. Pro-tip: don’t say it to someone not wearing pants. I get the logic – that it will just flat-out confuse them – but it comes across as insinuating that they should be wearing pants, and that’s never a good insinuation to make. The no-pants decision is one often held very dearly to those who’ve made it.