Okay I have a problem I hope you can help me with. I’m sitting here enjoying my day off and decide to pick up my old game boy and start playing some good classic pokemon (red). I’m barely into my game (just entered Prof. Oaks place) when I get a phone call. I’m surprised as shit to find it’s my ex girlfriend, and to top it all off she’s calling me from a fucking hospital. She’s bawwing her eyes out and it takes a while for her to settle down and tell me what she wants, which is for me to come pick her up.
Keep in mind I haven’t talked to her in about a year, maybe more. She’s crying her eyes out because her and her current boyfriend got in some huge argument, and she stormed out of his place, and on the way back to hers, gets in a wreck and totals her car. Apparently he won’t answer her calls, or come get her, or whatever, and she wants me to. She keeps saying fuck him, it’s over, and then she starts claiming she misses the old times, she always thinks about me a lot, come get her and we can start a new relationship. At one time I did care for her a great deal, probably more than anyone else I’ve been with through out my life.
So anyway now I’m sitting here conflicted, which pokemon should I start out with, bulbasaur, charmander, or squirtle?
Why are American airports to shit?
decide to go on holiday to America
plane lands at JFK airport
all the American passengers start clapping as the plane comes to a stop
GOOD JAAAB, GOOD JAAAB CLAPCLAPCLAP
Hamburgers start falling out of the overhead compartments
American passengers start paying tips to the other passengers based on their in-flight performance
fireworks and streamers burst everywhere
fuck this, quickly make my way to the exit of the plane
other americans also making way to the exit
they see the captain
"GOOD JAAAB, YOU WERE GREAT, AMAZING FLIGHT SIR, GOOD JAAAAAB"
enter the terminal building
hamburger music starts playing
greeted by an immigration officer
he already knows my name, age, address and the exact time (to the second) i took my last shit because NSA
still hear faint clapping and screams of “good jaaaab” coming from down the other way
the immigration officer says i need a cavity search
he sticks his fat sausage fingers into my arse
im in so much pain, his fingers are easily as girthy as a pringles tin
OK SIR, GOOD JAAAB WE’RE ALL CLEAR HERE
hands me a 20% tip
walk out of the cavity search room and are greeted to a round of applause from a group of overweight americcans
fuck american airports. FUCK THEM.
when 2 people kiss they just create a very long tube with assholes on both ends
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