Walking home some guy bumps into me and instantly starts chatting shit in my face about aluminium being the best metal. I tried to stay calm and explained to him that iron was actually the best metal, but he wouldn’t take a hint. He started throwing around words like “rust” and “corrosion” and I lost it. I punched him right in his aluminium loving face. I hate aluminium so much.

every one knows that the saying “the thing i’m looking for is always in the last place i look” is useless and doesn’t go anywhere logically, but what i mean is rather that the thing i’m looking for is always in the last possible place i could have looked for it
like if there are 5 boxes, i’ll always thoroughly shuffle through the 4 wrong boxes before finding my thing in the fifth

practice pronouncing “iron” with me in a french accent
40$ an hour
other words available too for variable costs (10$ an hour for every letter in word)
extensive knowledge of french accent, loads of experience
i teach at home or via skype
call for details

- typed “best pizza in montreal”
- found the restaurant with the highest score and most praising reviews on urbanspoon
- went and ate
- had the worst pizza of my life

When I was younger, 2 or 3. Mum was carrying my on her hip at a shopping centre when I turned to an older Lady and said “hello jillian”
She returned with a confused look on her face and and said hello back,
My mother asked if the lady was one of my fathers friends, to which I said “no”
“Than how do you know her”
“I knew her when I was older”

Apparently when I was younger, maybe 3 or 4, I was at a friends house, talking to my friends older sister. She told me my eyes went completely dead and I said ‘You’re lost, aren’t you?.’ Not long after that she went missing and they found her wandering the bush near her house.

My 2 yr old daughter was sleeping next to me one night, woke up sobbing. Asked her what’s wrong, said she saw my mother’s cat crying and she had three eyes. Next day my mother found her old cat dead where it slept at night. She told me a few days later, i told her about my daughter’s dream.

about 7 years ago my nonno (grandfather) passed away. my youngest brother couldn’t have been more than 3 or 4 at the time. after receiving the news our whole family came back to his house and were sitting around while my brother played in the living room. suddenly he climbs into nonno’s favorite chair and starts babbling away, like he was having a conversation.
my aunt asked my little brother, “who are you talking to?”
“nonno”.
thinking he was fooling around my aunt asks, “what are you doing on nonno’s chair?”
“sitting on his lap.”
we were all pretty uneasy after that.

When my friend was about 5, said aunt was babysitting her. Aunt was sitting in a chair reading while my friend sat on the floor playing with puzzles. Suddenly, my friend said in a sweet voice “Don’t get up.” Naturally concerned, the aunt started to rise from the chair. My friends head snapped towards the aunt, narrowed her eyes and commanded “I SAID DON’T GET UP” in a strange voice. The aunt got up off the chair and instantly fell on the floor and broke her hip.

My parent’s went to a weird stage about a decade ago where they went crazy (lol crazy parents right? lol Mine were seeing demons crawling out of the walls.)
Anyway, my mom believed she was an angel, and told me I was one too. She said I could walk up to any small child and ask “Can you see my wings?” and instead of the usual response from a sane person (“What the hell are you talking about?”) the answer would freak me out…
So quietly I went off to try it (I was 15, I believe), so I walked up to my mom’s friend’s son, he was about 4-5, I think, and asked “Can you see my wings?”…He looked up and around me, then just smiled at me really strangely, and walked away.
WHAT.

When my brother was 2 years old and I was 15, we were taking a walk in our garden at night. He looks ip at the stars and says “I was there once.. but we’re not going back yet”.

My Nana told me I told her when I was a baby “I saw you before I was born.” “I wanted to come to you and I did.”
Thought to myself “huh, well she was always my favorite person.”

me, four-ish
Sister is four years older
Frequently dissected small animals she found in front of me, would threaten me violently if I tried to leave. Carefully removed their teeny tiny organs and laid them beside the corpses.
Used to hold shrimp very close to my face and tell me if I tried harder I could’ve saved them, and that they know it’s all my fault they died, then ate them cheerfully. I haven’t eaten meat in nine years.
Shoved silverware up my ass, tongue kissed me for the pure pleasure of seeing me cry.
Convinced me I was born to be a man and that it was a large conspiracy keeping me believing I was female so they could laugh at me.
Convinced me I murdered our mutual friend
Covered herself in ketchup and hid in the closet, told me it was coming for me next.
Hid under my bed for hours so that she could freak the shit out of me once I started falling asleep.
Shoved fucking pins through her fingertips because it made me cry in abject fear.
Convinced me into an eating disorder at age six, told me I was morbidly obese. I was severely underweight for most of my life.
Placed her porcelain dolls so they’d be facing me when I woke up
Convinced me to put salt on a slug, then ran to my mom and told her I was a sociopath. Was amused by my inconsolable weeping at having hurt an animal.
She grew up to be your standard popular girl.


Take 4 year old with his mom to the cemetery to visit her father’s grave
Kid is naive and doesn’t know what a cemetery or what death is
Arrive there
Get out of the car and head to the grave
Walking between other graves for about 2 minutes
Kid starts shivering and holding his mom’s leg with the scariest look on his face
I notice and so does his mom
She asks “What’s wrong sweetie?”
He starts saying “They are telling me to come with them”
“Who” his mom asks
“The people under the ground”